Its buying merch….not defusing a bomb

thats it! im done! hahaha i can not go another night with out getting this off of my chest, this needs to be said. if this blog describes you dont worry just fix your malfunction. I have been touring for a very long time and it seems that the simplest task on tour is the hardest for kids to get. Buying merch is so simple but you minions make it so difficult. im going to set a couple guide lines that you should follow next time you venture to a show and attempt not to look like a baffoon in front of your favorite bands merch guy.

Rule #1 do not ask the merch guy standing infrot of another bands merch for the damn bands t-shirt on the other side of the room. Honestly when in life is it ok to go into hot topic and ask the cashier for a big mac and fries? never! if there is no merch guy infront of the bands merch you want chances are he is out in the trialer restocking so you may have more choices to pick from!

Rule #2 No merch guy knows what shirt you are talking about when you fucking point. the shirts are behind us! this drives me absolutely bonkers! and then to make yourself look sillier you say “gimme the (bands name) shirt”….. seriously? there are about 8 diffent ones up there dummy! be as specific as you can…if there are no numbers or names on the shirt please say “ill take the blue (bands name) shirt with the bear on it” this way the we know exactly what shirt you want with out having to turn aroud and decipher what shirt you want.

Rule #3 Please know your fucking size…it is so annoying when all of your merch is organized and some vaginamuffin strolls up and points to a shirt and says let me see a medium and a large tries them both on the decides he wants a small…what makes it worse is when you buy merch from 3 other bands and still have a hard time trying to decide what size you are…just buy the same size say thank you and walk away. 

Rule #4 No merch guy is a fucking coat check…maybe once in a blue moon will we let people keep their bags behind the table and most of the time its because you are a cute girl or a really nice dude…but we have no room for ourselves as it is let alone store your bag, coat, small child, ect

rule #5 TIP THE MERCH GUY…its not that hard to toss us a friggen buck! seriously just because we might do merch for large bands does not mean we are rolling in to dough! its a lot of hard and tedious work to sell merch…we are there for you not the band…you might see us with a lot of money in our hands at times but that money isnt ours…i can even count how many times people are like wow looks like your rich can i have some? as if id honestly be like yeah sure pal here 200 dollars thanks for coming to the show….thats not out money that monet goes to the bands gas and food hahaha so please be kind and try to give us a lil sumthin sumthin =) 

follow these rules and not only will you have an awesome merch experience but when you turn your back to walk a way you wont be called a fuck tard =)

-D

1 year ago  /  186 notes